Compassion means ‘suffering with’ and, like empathy, it is all about understanding and accepting a person’s feelings. Compassion is often defined as ’empathy plus action’ so it also looks like taking action to comfort a person and reduce their suffering. Self-compassion is simply compassion turned inwards. You might think of it as treating yourself as you would a good friend.
A self-compassionate person is someone who accepts everything about themselves – even the parts they don’t necessarily like – and doesn’t judge themselves or their experience. Treating yourself with compassion doesn’t mean that you don’t see your flaws or never try to change or improve yourself. It’s possible to show yourself compassion and work to improve yourself and your flaws.
Self-compassion and shame
Self-compassion has been found in studies to significantly reduce shame and it’s one of my favourite tools in my own healing journey too.
Helpful self-compassion resources
- self-compassion.org – Kristin Neff’s self-compassion website
- Centre for Mindful Self-Compassion website – self-compassion courses and workshops
- Kirstin Neff’s books on self-compassion
- Tara Brach’s book, Radical Compassion
- Tara Brach’s book, radical acceptance
- An introduction to RAIN for self-compassion
- How to practice lovingkindness meditation – article on Very Well Mind
- Dr Schwartz’s free meditations on Insight Timer – Dr Schwartz is the founder of Internal Family Systems
- Richard Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts