Hi, I’m Helen. Back in 2019, I knew I needed to break free from my shame but I had no idea where to start. The only advice I got from the people around me was to change my thinking, speak affirmations over myself and see myself the way I’d see a friend. While those things are all good, they didn’t do a lot change the way I felt about myself.
I had to go on my own journey – through chronic illness, therapy, meditation and learning about myself, and eventually training as a yoga teacher and counsellor – to learn to finally accept myself. And what I learnt along the way surprised me: that shame lives as much in our bodies as in our minds (if not more so), and there’s no one-size-fits all approach to healing.
There’s a lot of great information out there about shame but I couldn’t find much about chronic and toxic shame – the kind where you know deep in your bones that you’re unlovable and will never measure up or be good enough, and that constant lingering sense that if people really knew you they’d be disgusted. I knew there were people out there who needed holistic tools to help themselves. That’s why I set up the Shame-Free Community in 2024.
Through the Shame-Free Community, I help people living with shame to:
Realise that you’re not alone, weird or the odd one out (even though it may feel that way)
Connect with yourself
Build your confidence
Finally feel like you belong
The Shame-Free Community isn’t a replacement for good therapy. We still need someone to walk alongside us and witness our suffering. But it does give you information, tools and resources and empower you so that you can start to heal and connect with yourself.
About the resources in the Shame-Free Community
Each type of resource has its own dedicated about page. You can find a summary and link to the about page for each resource below.
About Yoga
Yoga is a powerful ancient practice that can help you come into the present moment, calm your nervous system and inhabit your body more deeply. Rather than just being a form of physical exercise, it’s more a way of life, incorporating ethical living, breathwork, meditation and spirituality.
Contemplative prayer is all about experiencing and deeping your relationship with God. It is meditative and reflective and goes well with other practices such as yoga and mindfulness.
Brené Brown defines shame as a fear of disconnection – the belief that if people knew what we were really like they would reject us. Her research showed that the people who overcome shame are those who are wholehearted and authentic and fully vulnerable.
Meditation – in different forms – exists in almost every culture and religious community around the world. The most popular form of meditation in the west is mindfulness, which originates from eastern religious practices, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, but the concepts are common to many other faith traditions too.
Compassion means ‘suffering with’ and, like empathy, it is all about understanding and accepting a person’s feelings. Compassion is often defined as ’empathy plus action’ so it also looks like taking action to comfort a person and reduce their suffering. Self-compassion is simply compassion turned inwards. You might think of it as treating yourself as you would a good friend.
Restorative yoga is all about resting your body and activating your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). It’s a unique form of yoga where postures are held for between 2 and 20 minutes. It may seem a bit like yin yoga, where the focus is on stretching fascia and connective tissue and holding stretches for a long time, but in restorative yoga we don’t stretch or strengthen, simply rest.
Pranayama is the yoga technique of controlling your breath. Prana means ‘life energy’ and ayama means ‘to control or expand’. We might call it breathwork or breath control in English.
Grounding exercises help you to come back to the present moment and calm your nervous system when you are feeling overwhelmed. They are particularly used for people experiencing trauma symptoms. Grounding exercises are rooted in trauma science, including somatics and polyvagal theory.
Self-reflective journaling is a tool to help you get to know yourself better. It has many benefits, including giving you space to process your thoughts and emotions, increasing mental wellbeing and reducing stress.
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